God or Everything Else? Part 3

Esther was an orphan Jewish girl in a foreign land. She was a minority on multiple counts. Firstly, her parents were gone. Secondly, she was a girl, a woman- which obviously had very insignificant place in a society dominated by men. Thirdly, she was an alien in a godless pagan land which did not worship Jehovah. On all counts her identity worked against her. What identity did a woman have in her days? And the identity she derived from her parents? Or what about her cultural heritage? Living in a pagan land probably made that distant, especially when she had to live in the palace of a pagan king and get used to the regimented lifestyle of those in his harem.

One thing that Esther did have was her cousin Mordecai who adopted her. From him, she maintained a connection with her cultural heritage but more importantly, it was from him that she learned the value of a relationship- that he would take it upon himself to raise her up, to mentor her, to father her despite the fact that she was an orphan.

When Esther was gathered into the royal harem, she had all the excuse to indulge in whatever she wanted. For one so insignificant, one so seemingly deprived of womanly adornment, she had all the excuse to bolster her identity with material possessions at the king's court. However, one interesting thing about her is that the Bible tells us that she asked for nothing else apart from what Hegai the Eunuch suggested! This was certainly unusual for surely her contemporaries would have asked for all manner of material possessions and adornments that they desired but Esther only asked for what Hegai suggested, because she knew that Hegai knew what the king desired.

Esther's identity was not measured by her outward appearance or material adornments but by the worth of her character. Esther means "I will be hidden" and her Jewish name Hadassah means "myrtle", a fragrant but bitter plant. Esther was hidden. She was not known for who she projected herself to be on the outside but rather for the fragrance of her character. More than the king's possessions, she knew that the far greater prize was the king himself. And more than her outward beauty, she knew that she herself was the king's prize. Her identity and worth was not founded upon what she could gain by being in the king's harem but on her favour and relationship with the king. It was this which elevated her at the highest seat of power that belonged to any woman in that vast land.

Reflecting on Esther's story, it makes me wonder how many times we base our indentity on our "everything else" except on our relationship with the King. Many times, our pursuit of material gain or career or academic excellence actually comes from a deep-seated insecurity which expresses itself in an attempt to envelop ourselves with an externally-determined identity. The fig leaves that Adam and Eve wore in the garden were a prototype of this other-clothing that is a counterfeit to the glory of God! Esther had far greater reason to be insecure of her identity or lack thereof but Mordecai taught her the value of relationship. Mordecai is symbollic of the Spirit of adoption/sonship (see Romans 8) that God has put into our hearts to bear the testimony that He is Father to us! Often the reason why we're not secure of our identity and therefore seek to adorn ourselves with external ornaments to bolster our sense of self-worth is because we have unfathered areas in our lives. This is an expression of the orphan spirit that many a times governs our thinking, But we have Abba now and Abba sees our deepest needs and provides for us- yes including our deep-seated mental and emotional needs!

The confidence of having a Father caused Esther not to put her sense of self-worth or security on her external possessions. Her worth was not founded upon external things. That is why, though having been placed at the high seat of authority in the land, she was willing to give it all up for a greater purpose. Esther said that if she her people were merely sold as slaves, it would not justify bothering the king. Power and possession didn't matter to her. More than that, she was the one who risked her life in intercession, telling Mordecai "If I perish, I perish." If we are defined by the "everything else", how then can we be capable of such nobility? The fact of the matter is that we cannot be counted worthy of such great authority unless we have the great inward quality and capacity to possess it- the great virtue of being able to relinquish. Esther's security was placed neither in titles nor possessions nor political power. We are likewise not defined by the "everything else" that we may try to adorn ourselves with but by the simple unconditional love of Abba Father. Truly those who are likewise secure in their identity in God and know how to relinquish lowly incomparable things will have such a capacity for great authority. Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth.

Pleasing the king meant more to Esther than the temporary possessions she might have obtained at the harem. And Esther got it right for having the king means having everything! Esther didn't ask for all kinds of things but only that which Hegai the eunuch suggested. She only allowed herself to have only what was necessary to please the king. And so concerning our lives, is our pursuit for the King and for His pleasure? Instead of even the blessings we may receive in that relationship? Are we satisfied with only what is enough, with only what is necessary to grow in our relationship with Him? Or do we find ourselves indulging in many things that don't satisfy? (TV, entertainment, worldly pleasures, etc..) More than that, are we willing to reliquish even our legitimate claim to all these things in order to gain that which is truly valuable? In order to gain Christ who is altogether worthy? Because the value of something is altogether dependent on our pursuit of it!

In examining again the answer to our question- Who has more? Someone who only has God or someone who has God and everything else, I leave a famous quote from Jim Elliot: He is no fool to give what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.

God or Everything Else? Part 2

So what does someone who is experiencing the fullness of life look like? My musings take me to the early church in the book of Acts. Why is it that their "church" was far better than ours? Why is it that their fellowship is better than ours? Why is it that the fruit of their evangelism is greater? Why is it that their baptism of the Holy Spirit seems to be more than what we have today? Haven't we received the same Spirit they received? Don't we serve the same Lord? If our lives are to conform to Biblical standards, how come our idea of "church" is far less than what they experienced in the book of Acts? Didn't God promise more for us living in the last days? Didn't Jesus say that greater works shall we do? Didn't the God say that He'll give us the former and the latter rain together? (The book of Acts is like the former rain, the autum rain, to prepare the ground for sowing but the last day church is to move in the latter rain, the spring rain which is many times greater than the autum rain and is meant to bring the harvest to maturity or fullness) Our lives currently don't even conform to the early Biblical prototype, how much more do we need to press in for the greater measure!

Why is it that our evangelism today is peppered with many methods and furnishings that the early church didn't have but yet not yielding the same or greater results? Yes, there are those occassional souls that do get saved but that's nowhere near the thousands that the early church could muster in a single sermon, not forgetting the number added to them on a daily basis. They did not have technology that we do, they did not have charismatic preaching (Peter admonished them for crucifying Jesus!), they did not have the skits, the mimes, the dramas, the dances, the fancy electric guitar riffs, the hip and happening stage lights, etc... But why is it that they can accomplish more than we can today and change the world around them, without all the facy methods and gadgetry we have today?
Why is it that we need to entertain our congregations and our youth with facy programmes and activities and bow down to their sensual cravings for church culture? The earlly church prospered with the Spirit and the Word, with true fellowship and by carrying the cross and having a vibrant personal walk with Jesus. Our contemporary church has that... and "everything else" (the lights and fancy programmes, etc...) Could it be that the "everything else" that we have nowadays (in the name of being "culturally relevant") prevent us from living and experiencing the fullness of life that comes by being satisfied with having God alone??

Consider this- they experienced the baptism of the Holy Spirit which enabled them not just to speak in tongues but also to prophesy, work miracles, testify boldly even to the point of suffering and death, live a transformed life which is an antithesis to the worldly secular order, etc... Don't we also have the baptism of the Holy Spirit? But why has His function been confined only to speaking in tongues in today's pentecostal churches? Of course we also place an emphasis on spiritual gifts which do indeed operate but how come we don't do so in the same dynamic quality that the early church operated in? Don't we all remember the Corinthian church, the immature church with lotsa problems, they operated in spiritual gifts too rite? And even in their immaturity, the dynamicity of their operation seems to be far greater than the average present-day charismatic church...

One could not help but sigh...

Let's talk about the early church selling their possessions so that the money might be given to the poor. Isn't this an antithesis to the worldly order? And isn't this an antithesis to the popular prosperity message that is being preached today? I have no problems with God prospering the believer but I have problems with the believer pursuing prosperity or pursuing God for that perverted idolatrous end! The early church delighted in selling their possessions for the poor but it seems that the present-day church delights more in material acquisition! If that is not bad and idolatrous enough, what's worse is that we take the Holy Word and the Holy nature of our Holy God to justify our idolatrous pursuits, twisting the message of grace around to suit our fleshly appetites! And so once again let's weigh the elements of our original question- Who has more? Those who only have God or those who have God and everything else? It seems that the early church spent a good amount of time getting rid of the "everything else"!

God or Everything Else? Part 1

A wise man once asked me a question: Who has more? Someone who only has God or someone who has God and everything else?

Because of the rhetorical nature of the question, we all know that someone who only has God has more than one who has God and everything else. However, how many of us have lived that reality? Alvin likes to ask the question: Is God part of your life or is God your life? It seems that many of us like to squeeze in God together with everything else in our lives and ironically, we end up having less and not living the fullness of life if we had just given up "everything else" in the first place. Often we put God on equal footing with the rest of our activities, if not at a lesser place. We spend an inordinate amount of time on work, leisure and entertainment apart from true communion with God. And when we do spend time with God, we commodify it, we tokenize it, we give God a token of our time or service just to ease our conscience. And we fail to see that the "everything else" in our lives that we have placed on equal or greater footing than God are actually the idols of our lives.

It all boils down to this question- are we satisfied with only God or do we need everything else to supplement God's place in our lives that we may be fully satisfied? Why is it that we all seem to bow down to that deception that other things apart from God should satisfy, or that God alone will not satisfy and we need everything else to supplement His place in our lives? In fact, it seems that the opposite is true- perhaps the very reason that we are not satisfied is cos we try to supplement God with everything else! And we won't be truly satisfied until He becomes the only source of our satisfaction! Perhaps the reason why we're not truly satisfied is because in relegating God to merely a corner or a predetermined "space" in our lives, we fail to honour Him, that is, we fail to allow Him to be all that He is in our lives! In attempting to satisfy ourselves with counterfeits, we fail to free Him and let Him occupy our lives fully and thus receive the fullness of life He brings! We keep Him boxed up by our own agenda, pleasures and desires. By clinging onto our "everything else", we make Him rather insignificant and we don't give Him the place, the platform to be all that He can be to us!

I've always been a the-cup-is-half-empty sorta person and my journey led to the following conclusion. Why is it that we celebrate every little experience with God, every little trickle of the Holy Spirit, etc.. why is it that we celebrate God is such small quantities when Jesus has come to give life and life abundantly? Let's look at it the other way around- instead of celebrating the little droplets of divine experience we receive in a cup, let's consider the rest of the glass that is empty. Why aren't we experiencing fullness? Even David said "my cup overflows" (Psalm 23) and even that's in the Old Covenant! Surely we have something better? Jesus died to give us that place of liberty and abundance! He died to bring many sons to glory- that we may experience the fullness of life with Abba Father! And anything below that fullness is an affront to the cross! Living below that is a disgrace to the kind of price and sacrifice that Jesus made on Calvary! Perhaps in celebrating the little we have of God, we show how small-minded we really are and how our minds are not renewed by Scripture. We've taken the trickle to be the normal Christian life but Scriptures tell us that the abundant life is the normal life! Perhaps we need to move onto a new normal and that's what i wanna consider in this post and the successive posts- If God has fullness and abundance for us, what will that fullness look like?

What does a life look like that is totally surrendered to God? What does a life look like that is totally possessed and filled by God? We need to know and see that place of fullness if we're ever gonna get there! Cos vision propels us into action! Otherwise, we'll always be content with where we are, being satisfied with the mediocre! We need the vision, the blueprint, the knowledge of what a mature son of God looks like so that we can possess that place! And we need to explore what that kind of life looks like so that we can prepare ourselves to get there! This is not to lament our current position but rather to understand that God is holding out to us a vision of something greater to be possessed by those who will dare to pay the price!

The Tishbite

it really hurts my heart seeing you all engage in asp-talk
not that i am empty of questions but
we can't paint a picture blindfolded,
or in silence...

please please please only fools paint in the void
cos should the heart shut the door,
only chilling regrets could follow

yes tishbites what if you find the one returning to your bosom
and find the one a tishbite as yourself,
merely passsing through a land beyond the horizon?

for often we shared memories that are now a shadow,
that turn bitter if not kindled by face

was our blood merely an illusion
yet memories paint
this "illusion" thicker than water

each follows a journey
within the tishbite's heart is his own
but we all share the same upward end
and that doesn't make him any less a Tishbite.

2 Chronicles 7:14 Part 2: Prayer

Ok seriously, i never meant for this to become a series... but i decided to break it down to more bite-sized pieces for those who perhaps still read all this...

"pray"

Before we pray, we need to humble ourselves. Because true prayer is done out of a place of dependence. True prayer is a response to what God has already done by showing our degenerate condition and how much we actually need Him. Many times, we approach God and end up telling Him what to do and vomiting out a whole lot of stuff under the sun... while He may listen to them, how many of them actually touch His heart, let alone move His hand?

There is a humbling thought in prayer; that a holy transcendent God, should respond to the cries of man... even to the extent that we, people called by His name, should exercise the privilege of being His representatives on earth, administering His justice and divine will and bringing about His divine intervention in the affairs of man...

Prayer is not something we initiate; it's not something simply done void of God.. in fact, it is done as a response to God moving us. In fact, we cannot hope to move God unless we ourselves are first moved by Him. And He can't move us unless we humble ourselves.

In praying for revival, many times we become the very answers to what we ask for. We humble ourselves in that place of prayer and God uses that time of waiting upon Him to mold and shape us to be His vessels. Our own prayers mold us and shape us because they are our response to God moving us... as the clay responds to the hands of the Potter. In fact, God shapes us according to the very thing that God initiates in our heart, the very burdens that we carry before Him. If we do have a spark in our hearts that God initiates that we respond to Him in prayer because of it, it's because He wants to work that particular virtue/vision into us.. that we, becoming one with it, will be the very answer to our prayers, even by the life that we live- cos that is what we are- living sacrifices. The priesthood offered sacrifices, we offer our prayers- which are our sacrifices as we begin to live that prayer out.

It disgusts me everytime we reduce such a holy act of union and communion to a mere regurgitation of a shopping list. "God help me with my exams" "God do this and that... etc..." And God may oblige us just because He is good. But to remain like this in our prayer life reflects our lack of maturity. If we stagnate on such prayers void of God, it likely reflects the fact that we are not growing in true experiential knowledge of Him that is transformational and bears good fruit!

That's why it's important to check our own hearts and humble ourselves.. cos if don't, we simply start giving God orders... there's a difference between true prayer and giving God orders.. we would have reduced Him to an idol that we can control and manipulate, kept in a box.. and if He doesn't answer our prayers, or answers them not in a way we expect, then we'd get angry with Him...

and there are 2 extremes by which we abuse this privilege of prayer... the first is that we don't pray at all, because we don't see the need to, because we are so void of the life of Christ that there is not even a desire to go deeper... we don't pray because we are not humble enough to see our need for Him... the other way we abuse prayer is when we pray a whole lot of junk and make a whole lot of selfish requests.. and that consumes our lives and thoughts so much so that we miss out on the communion with Him and we miss out on doing the father's business, in stewarding His purposes upon the earth... and of the 2 extremes, i think the latter is worse, having taken a holy event and made it profane by the use of it... prayer without relationship is void, useless, legalistic, hypocritical, just an external exercise, a form of spirituality but no substance... a counterfeit... better no cosmetics at all than wearing cheap makeup! true relationship with God must change the way we pray! and humbling ourselves allows God to restructure our prayer-lives...

Prayer is done out of an attitude of dependence, from a place of humility, from a place of abiding... where the life of Christ flows and changes us... and God changes the way we pray.. and the way we live... and that prayer becomes answered in our living, not so much by our multitude of words... the disciples said "teach us how to pray" and Jesus then gave them a model prayer that descibed more how one should live than just a simple chain of requests and petitions... we need to have that same humble attitude as the disciples if we want to experience the depths and heights of encountering God in prayer!

God bless! :D

2 Chronicles 7:14 Part 1: Humbling Ourselves

I really find that writing helps me a lot to meditate on a verse and consolidate my thoughts... so i hope to chew on this verse as i write down my thoughts on it... tried "chewing" on it on my bed yesterday but ended up falling asleep... i guess this should be far more effective...

For those who would be willing to receive this into their spirits...

2 Chronicles 7:14 (New International Version)

if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

"will humble themselves"

It's interesting to note how God speaks- if He comes in to say "if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves", it certainly means one thing- that they're not humbling themselves! and why would that be so? considering the fact that we know that we are utterly helpless to have saved ourselves if not for the grace of God? what have we missed in the Christian walk that we have failed to see the desperate need that we have to abide in Him? We fail to see two things. Firstly, we fail to realize that not only are we saved by grace but we are also kept by grace. That means the maintainance of this whole Christian life and walk (which is by far impossible on our own and by our human standards) all depends on Him. And not living a humble walk is a reflection of our failure to abide. It is symptomatic of a much deeper problem that has other grave implications- if we fail to abide, by what power and substance are we living our lives? We dry out spiritually, we fall into sin, we find that our whole Christian walk becomes meaningless and we live below the standard that God has for us. The bottomline is that failure to humble ourselves reflects a descent into degeneracy of life. We become Christians just in name but not in substance, having a form but denying its power. We may be called by His Name... but is that all we have? A label void of the life of Christ?

The second problem is related to the first one. Failure to humble ourselves shows an incomplete conversion. We may know Christ in name but not in Person. Because if so we would be changed to become more like Him. And He humbled Himself to the ultimate, having left His throne in heaven to be born as a man, dying as a sinner but resurrected as Lord and Saviour. And we see this in our church in Singapore where people become Christians because of expediency- a free ticket into heaven? Failure to humble ourselves means receiving His grace but not allowing it to work fully in our lives until we are transformed by it.

And so if the goal of this verse is revival, we find that revival starts with an acknowledgement of our degenerate condition and our desperate need for Him. And even doing so will be a work of God in itself because how true it is that we are blind to our own condition until the Holy Spirit shows us! And when he does reveal it, then we are on our way to a true and lasting spiritual awakening... because it can only be His hand that moves us! People can manufacture emotional worship but only God can bring about true conviction of sin and conversion of character. Let us consider if we are merely people called by His name but yet to live His life.

The Folly Of Ahab

I've been reading up and studying on the life and call of Elijah lately and yet interestingly enough, God chooses to show me certain interesting things about the life of Ahab- Elijah's greatest enemy... he is really one interesting character because i cant help but feel sorry for him...

Ahab was a very wicked king of Israel who was even deeper into idolatry than his father was... I feel sorry for him because he was a man of such weak and pathetic character that it is sobering to think that God held him accountable for his actions... To prove this point, i shall briefly argue on Ahab's behalf and try to give excuses for what Ahab did... In his time, idolatry wasn't new... even Solomon worshipped idols and so did the wicked kings before Ahab... One might say that Ahab wasn't so bad because his fathers already set the precedence wad... And we can further argue that weak Ahab was under the influence of his nasty wife Jezebel... We can say that poor Ahab was so henpecked that he had no choice but to give into Jezebel because she had a much stronger character. When Ahab wanted Naboth's vioneyard, he even offered to buy it instead of seizing it... when Jezebel came along, she hatches a plan to steal it and kill Naboth instead! Surely poor Ahab wasn't so bad?? He had such a weak character that when Ben-Hadad king of Aram asked him to surrender his gold, silver and best wives, he was so willing to do it... but when confronted by the elders, he gave into their influence instead... and when he finally won over Ben-Hadad in warfare, he let him off and even called him his "brother"... he was a man who easily vascillated between decisions...

And God gave him so many chances! He saw fire fall from heaven... He saw rain fall at Elijah's word... He saw God's faithfulness to the prophetic word and how He enabled him to conquer Ben-Hadad's army... twice... and much much more... yet he remained the wicked king he was... Did Ahab repent? well he did humble himself before the Lord briefly when Elijah prophesied the destruction of his household... but then we see his stubbornness again 3 years later... when he throws Micaiah the prophet in jail when he prophesied of Ahab's death by going into battle... The Lord even permitted a lying spirit to make sure that all of Ahab's other "prophets" prophesy the wrong thing so that he would indeed end up in the battlefield, thinking he would be victorious... He had been so wicked that the Lord so clearly made him the object of His judgment... But Micaiah the true prophet was sent to jail for telling the truth... and Ahab, though presented with such a prophecy still refused to heed it.. in his hardness and stubbornness of heart, he chose to believe what he wanted to believe... he went into battle, thinking he could outsmart God... he disguised himself so he won't be an easy target... but someone shot him accidentally, hitting a place between the sections of his armor (what are the chances of that??)... and that was the end of him.

Poor Ahab! He was bullied around into his own destruction! When we live our lives before the sight of God, we can't make up excuses! We can't say "Oh God, I am in this pathetic state because of so-and-so or because of this and that..." We can't say that just because someone else sinned against God or because our fathers have not been godly examples to us then we can follow in their footsteps! At the end of the day, we are accountable for our actions and the choices that we make, not the people around us. It doesn't depend on the circumstance or situation or environment we're facing! We have to choose to live for God! Even so especially since we live in such a sex-crazed, materialistically-driven society! At the end of the day, when we stand before the judgment seat of Christ, we can't say "My wife made me do it!" or "I got bullied into it!" or even "The devil made me do it!". each person is accountable for his or her own actions! Jezebel's gonna get her own judgment from God for her wickedness and evil influence.. but that's her problem... so when we're presented with such influences, we do have the choice against it so as not to bring the wrath of God upon us!

Come to think of it, Ahab shouldn't have married Jezebel in the first place! Talk about unequally yoked.. it was against Mosaic law to marry a foreign wife.. and what did Ahab do? He married one who was arguably the worst of the lot! And this brings me into the aspect of ungodly alliances... Clearly we saw how Ahab had potential to be influenced positively... he did humble himself when Elijah prophesied the destruction of his household.. he did attempt to acquire Naboth's property by paying for it instead of killing.. but a man with so weak a character as him was so swayed by the wrong influence and that dragged him down... God only knows what would have happened if he married a godly woman of virtue and wisdom like the one described in Proverbs... perhaps he would have been a great king... But his ungodly alliance with Jezebel not only led to his own destrution but also the destruction of his own family and his own nation- it opened up and led Israel deeper into the sin of idolatry...

There was another ungoldly alliance in this story.. that between Jehoshaphat king of Judah and Ahab king of israel... now Jehoshaphat was a righteous man... but he entered into an ungodly alliance with Ahab and gave him a "blank cheque" promising to fight with him provided he sought the counsel of the Lord.. and we all know how Ahab was deceived to go into the battle wherein he died.. And Jehoshaphat was dragged into the mess, though he escaped with his life...

Yet perhaps what could be most sobering was the fact that Ahab saw experienced God and yet he still didn't repent... He saw the fire from heaven, and rain the same day after 3 yeears of drought.. he saw the favour of God leading him victorious against Ben-Hadad's troops... He experienced the ministry of Elijah and a number of other true, anointed prophets of God and yet he refused to repent. His momentary act of humility apparently was not deep enough to bring true repentance as we still see his stubborness of heart and contempt for the Lord in the later years of his life... And what is sobering and perhaps frightening is that this is all too familiar, reminiscent of our spiritual conditions... certainly of mine...

When we get to experience God's glory and wonderful manifest presence... and get touched by Him... time after time.. camp after camp... it may result in a lot of sobbing and "repenting" just as Ahab humbled himself... but is there truly a change of heart? Is there true repentance that leads to a changed lifestyle? perhaps in the moment, our repentance may indeed be sincere enough... but that's not an end in itself.. it has to draw us closer to God and cause us to walk and live making the right decisions that would please Him... and I'm saying that I'm frightened by this because we have been experiencing times of renewal in God's presence... Did you notice the wonderful presence of God at the altar on sunday? or the wonderful time of worship? not just this week but many weeks preceding already! God has been showing up! But is our experience merely limited to the confines of the altar? Is our repentance confined within the boundaries of the church? Has our attitude towards God changed? At the end of it all, having experienced Him, is our heart still hardened, stubborn, refusing to seek Him and still believing what we want to believe? Are our lives still being directed by ourselves, lived our own way and void of God?

I'm saying this because history has proven that times of great renewal have preceded times of great judgment! And our response would determine what becomes of us... the greater the testimony we have of God, the more that is required from us! To whom much is given, much is required... Jesus had a healing revival service in Bethsaida but then later prophesied that judgment for them was greater than Sodom and Gomorrah because of how they treated Him... Later He even had to take a man outside of the city to heal him and told the man not to give his testimony back home? Why? Because their hearts were still hardened... Scriptures are clear that if people don't respond to the Word of God, they won't even respond to signs and wonders! Jesus walked on earth and did wonders... and yet His own people missed Him!.. and He was far greater than Solomon, Elijah, or any of the prophets! And this is a sobering thought!!

I'm writing this and appealing to whoever reads it, including myself, to stay faithful to God.. because we have seen God move and experienced His presence much.. and if we still are unrepentant in our attidues, the judgment for us is greater...

God bless!

Broken Laptop

Interestingly on Friday, Alvin sent me a message.. he had just taken a look at my laptop and discovered that the hard disk had died and there's nothing he could do to fix it... i had passed it to him a few weeks back.. i was unable to boot it and get it running and i was wondering if he could do something about it... and interestingly enough there was a back story on how it all happened...

that evening, i remember watching some online drama on my laptop.. it's something that i've been quite accustomed to... just lying down lazily on my bed with the headphones on, watching online movies or detective serials... sometimes, enjoying it along with food... and of course this could take up quite a good while of my evenings.. and mornings too since i'm on holiday... well that evening, after finishing an episode, i then proceeded to go and watch another one... then something happened and my laptop crashed...

then i tried to switch it back on and then it couldn't boot at all.. i tried it several times... tried changing boot sequences, etc etc.. but still nothing happened... and then fearing the worst, i tried to go about it "spiritually" and i prayed for God to make the laptop functional again.. and i received the most unexpected and sobering response...

"I am a jealous God"

And that brought about a mixture of reactions... it surprised me.. and to some extent, it also kinda frightened me.. The truth is, i've been indulging in all that entertainment at the cost of my walk with God.. i haven't been spending time with Him like i used to... in fact, i spent a disproportionately greater time indulging in entertainment than i did seeking the presence of God... i rather enjoyed watching shows more than spending time with Him, etc etc... i knew there was something wrong with my spiritual walk already but i still decided to procrastinate my time with Him... until the end of the day when I become too sleepy to even give the Lover of my soul the leftovers... even if i did, it became nothing more than an institutionalized monotonous ritual than genuine spiritual communion! When God reminds us that He is a jealous God, it can only mean one condition on our part... we often disguise it with excuses but the Bible calls it idolatry...

And so God had to zap my pagan altar in order for me to rebuild His altar in my heart... Perhaps God went to such an extent to shock me so that i would remember this lesson and that He would finally have my attention. And the lesson didn't entirely sink in till weeks later... God is merciful cos He kows that i still have my PC and that's what I'm using now to post this... Well does God need to go so far to catch our attention? He will if He has to since He loves us so much... If He doesn't at all, then we'll be in such a deplorable and pathetic state that God won't even bother with us anymore... Alvin so kindly volunteered to help me replace the hard disk but i guess I'm in no hurry to get it back...

What scares me even further is that when He zapped my laptop, i even dared to ask Him to resurrect the idol.. i asked Him to somehow boot it again- so that i can continue indulging in entertainment and drifting from Him! How blind i was to His purposes! And many times we treat God like a coke dispenser or something, merely to supply us what we want... we conveniently place Him at the back of our agenda or priority list while we spend what we get on idolatrous pursuits... like when we spend lotsa time preparing for exams and we forget to spend time with Him and even neglect going to church.. and then later we even dare to pray and ask Him to help us score well! Idolatry! like when we spend time using His glorious, holy giftings to building up our own personal ministries and egos instead of understanding and cherishing His love which elevates us supremely beyond where our ego can take us... we end up making requests of Him that are so out of His will that we become blinded to our own selfishness and to His aching desire to meet with us!

God is a jealous God who loves us with a jealous love.. and if it doesn't get fixed, i'd gladly take my broken laptop as a badge of honour and proof of that very same love... sometime we, likewise need to be broken in order for us to experience more of Him!

may i not forget this lesson!

some musings...

I've been thinking lately about the fact that God often speaks to us... even more than the "still small voice", sometimes, he even likes to speak loudly, blatantly into our lives to catch our attention... and yet even with such overt gestures, many times we remain unable to hear and unable to perceive what He is doing and what He is saying... and therefore also unable to respond to them... and it is a scary bothering thing if God is right in front of you and you miss out on what He's saying... especially since I've learned that faith, the lifeblood of the Christian walk, comes from hearing (in the present) continually, progressively... faith without action is dead... and better a movement than a monument...

ooh... i have much to say about this... for example music... music is always moving... and when one stops moving, he stops making sounds.. he stops making music... and yet when the sound of his walk with God is expressed in song, it vibrates... it stirrs the air molecules... they begin to vibrate in order producing sound... sound then moves... it disrupts the air around it... it ruffles feathers... it disrupts the status quo.. it forces other "comfortable" molecules out of their comfort zone... and some may find it disturbing.. upsetting... sound travels even through solid mediums too.. if you put your ear to a wall, you can hear the sound passing through it... cos the wall vibrates too... Dead things dun make music. Only the living praise Him! (The dead are never dangerous... only the living are! Those who are living with a purpose!)

And yet that very praise of Him can stir the dead into life to praise the very Same!
Surely the stones must cry out!

ooh... i can go on and on... we haven't even covered dance yet! oh but that's not why i wanted to write this piece... i wanted to talk about revelation.. and how we all need to catch it so that we can start moving... it's that first spark that causes earth to respond to heaven's call... and lately I've been thinking and meditating on aspects of revelation...

i began to ponder how revelation was direly lacking in my own life... and because i lacked that pure substance from heaven, i've been turning to other undeniably lesser sources of "inspiration"... like entertainment for example... watching detective dramas and playing Super Mario Galaxy are really a sad substitute for the life that can only be found in relationship with the Father and abiding in Jesus Christ... like Cain wandering aimlessly on earth is movement without purpose. It has no direction... and it comes about when we move in the flesh.. and attempt to get ourselves motivated apart from relationship and communication... music is movement with order... There is rhythm, distinction between notes and variations between sound frequencies... but sound movement without order is noise... and noise serves no purpose... it is counterfeit... neither can it glorify the One who is the Author and Audience of all true music... and we can be moving and moving but still have no direction, no goal, no purpose... we can be going around busying ourselves and doing lotsa lotsa things but have no fruit, much less fruit that is glorifying to the Father... and that is not called living... it's called existing...

and sadly how often is this true of church ministry? when we do so many things but are we sustained by the glorious Life inside? I've learned the hard way and i can indeed say that i am still learning! without vision, the people perish, cast off restraint, become restless... moving without purpose... and so we might see ppl get bored, discouraged, frustrated.. coming week after week.. going through the motion... service after service... but no life change! and so we try to engage them... perhaps generate a little excitement here and there... blast the music louder? sing new songs? run a few more activities and add a few more incentives? the devil mocks! When Jesus Christ come back for His glorious church, what will He find?

we are spiritually impoverished, spiritually bankrupt, spiritually weak and spiritually sick... (and do we even know it? and those who do- do we deny it?) and the remedy must match the condition... but how can it match the condition if we have the wrong diagnosis? spiritual problems require spiritual solutions! It has nothing to do with programmes and activities but with the condition of the heart! Isaiah 6 presents us with God's throne-room diagnosis of Israel... eyes seeing but never perceiving... ears hearing but never understanding... hearts that are hardened before God... and even if we get the best Bible teachers, apostles and prophets, they still won't get it... Jesus was the best there was and they crucified Him! unless the heart is dealt with, we are laying on shaky foundations... and we know where that leads...

i found myself severely lacking in revelation... and i told God i wanted more... I told God... How can I be hungry for that which i cannot see? well... he who has will be given more... and he who does not have, even what he has will be taken from him... and the only way i'm gonna get more is to begin responding and applying and stewarding that which I have already been given... and oh boy.. i'm so thankful that God has begun to answer my prayer... when i applied myself to the Word, a lot of rich treasures began to unfold... lemme share a testimony...

i was walking along the road on Tuesday for my usual prayer-stroll... and then God deposited in my spirit Psalm 1... and it talks about meditating on His law day and night, etc... and as i progressed walking, i ended up in Thomson Plaza where... surprise surprise... Dot and company were having Bible study! And guess what was one of the topics covered? Meditation! And I knew that God wanted me to come back to this foundational discipline of meditating on the Word... and then i thought to myself... Psalm 1? But I've read that Psalm so many number of times! What new thing can get from it?? And so when I went back home, I opened my Bible and then the Psalm arrested me and came in a whole new light...

It is not for the people of God to walk in the counsel of the wicked! We have so great and genuine and superior a Source of wisdom in the Holy Spirit that only spiritually impoverished people would take counsel from the wicked! That is because they lack the counsel of God in their lives. People stand in the way of sinners.. they follow their path/programmes/formulas... to try and achieve their own definition of sucess for they do not know the ways of God and the heavenly reality... And they sit in the seat of mockers, not doing anything constructive but having become embittered, the only thing they can do with their fruitless lives is to sit by the wayside and criticise people, especially the fruitful ones who serve as testimony against them for the failure of their lives and the betrayal and forsaking of their God-given right to live towards a heavenly purpose and destiny- the goal of anyone's existence!

But we are of a different breed! Our delight is in the law of the Lord and in His law we meditate day and night... we meditate and focus upon and magnify what we delight in... and we meditate upon them with tangible musings- not just thinking about them but also uterring them, confessing them and even blogging of them... and according to the confession of our tongue, even in the midst of meditation, the course of our lives are shaped by the heavenly reality gleamed from this faith-experience... for we confess with our mouths what we believe with our hearts and it becomes reality in our lives and that's how we experience God! And what we meditate upon nourishes us, it gives us life, it directs our quality and manner of life and determines our fruit! Fruitfullness begins with what we delight in and is birthed and conceived in our imagination (vision) and by our confession in our meditations!

We therefore prosper not by having people direct us (especially not the wicked) nor by following programmes (ways) nor by sitting down and criticizing but we prosper by delighting in the right things- the Word of God, and meditating upon them and allowing them to define, direct and determine the course of our lives! (And I'm not just talking about prospering in ministry but more importantly, in our personal lives where we flourish inwardly with the reality of the life of Christ!) And because we prosper by what we delight in, this speaks of the place of rest where we do not grow tired or weary.. but our life is in the Word and the Word becomes our life... and as we allow the Word to take hold of us, strivings cease... we do not become dependent on following the instructions of the wicked or the scheming and plans of the ungodly.. doing this and doing that... and we do not operate by criticisms in the flesh.. not even our own criticisms of ourselves where we try to push ourselves hard enough "i must be stronger... be more productive, etc etc..." but fruitfullness is begotten in that place of rest.. in that place of delighting and dependence and communion with God... and faith coming from hearing the Word.. and hearing with revelational understanding!

And this is the only way that our fruit is gonna last! The wicked are like chaff.. which goes away easily enough.. because their works are founded upon themselves- their schemes and by their own wisdom.. their fruit does not last/abide or remain when tested under fire...

Ooh.. and i thank the Lord for as i plough into His Word with an open heart, he opens it up easily enough... and because of this, i want more! i really do! and i'm really excited about this for very long, i've been dry and i've substituted true communion for pop-corn and instant-noodle type of spirituality... the kind lacking in substance.. and the kind that is more interested in putting up a good "spiritual" face in church while severely neglecting my inward condition!

work in me, Lord! work in me!

I don't wanna stop moving! ;)

Terminator Salvation

Watched Terminator Salvation yesterday and 3 things caught my attention:

1. John Connor. He was prophesied to be the leader of the resistance movement against the machines. He wasn't the leader yet, yet there was something remarkable about his personality. He walked and talked as if he was the leader. He carried himself with no less dignity that befitted someone of such a stature (ok maybe i'm exaggerating). And yet he also took great risks with his life. He made a lot of bold, perhaps reckless moves. He volunteered to infiltrate Skynet... and he did... nearly all by himself.

And I started to wonder... what made John Connor what he was? Was it the extraordinar situtations that he faced, living in an extraordinary time that required extraordinary decisions? We are no different. We are born into the Kingdom for such a time as this. This is an extraordinary day and hour where we will see the climatic clash between the Kingdom of Light and of darkness and usher in the Lord's coming. Perhaps John Connor had a sense of destiny, knowing the purpose for which he was born. And he prepared hiself for it. Because he knows that that purpose was to be, then he also knew that he wasn't to die until he achieved it. Perhaps like him, we need to be bold in the way we live our lives, knowing that till our purpose is done and our prophetic destiny fulfilled, our lives will remain. And God will protect them. And till then, we need to do all we can to live it out, unafraid and making extraordinary choices in order to leave an extraordinary legacy.

2. The machines had an "off" switch. These powerful machines, hardy and understatedly violent can kill an ordinary unsuspecting human any day. But they had a weakness. When their connection to the Skynet mainframe was severed by a jamming frequency, they became inoperable, useless... glorious pieces of heavy metal!

Unfortunately, much can be said of the church in this light. By our very spiritual makeup and DNA, God has made us His delegated representatives on earth, imbued with resurrection life and authority that transcends the visible realm. And yet, how often do we find our communication channels with the Head broken because we are listening to some other frequency, some manner of a voice that seeks to derail us from fulfilling our very purpose? And very often, we become no more than just the ordinary museum piece to the world... halls filled with bright lights, high ceilings and oftentimes loud music... pathetic, profoundly inferior replacements for the glorious life of Christ that would be had we not neglected the simplicity of communication, communion and dependence on our Master.

3. Those small, innocent-looking canisters do pack quite the punch. They're the means to power up the T-8000 robots. They may be small but they're the life of what would otherwise be an ordinary metal skeleton. Their nuclear potential was seen when just a bunch of them effectively destroyed the great Skynet industrial complex at the end.

What then makes us tick? We have something better. We have the Holy Spirit inside of us. He is the dunamis.. the dynamite power living on the inside of us. He was the Spirit who hovered upon the earth, waiting to birth God's dreams into reality when He spoke the world into existence. By Him, we have resurrection life, we have abundant life, we have access to such a glorious life that the world could not and should not overcome us! But how many of us have learned to tap into it and live it out? If we walk in the absolute fullness of what God has already provided us with, not only our lives will be radically diferent but we also those whom God will bring across our path... those whom we will radically impact by the life-changing and undeniable power of God.. and who would go on to radically impact others... encounter begets encounter..

2 cents anyone? God bless! ;)

The Sacred Altar

Why should I wait for camps and conference in order to encounter God?

then again...

Why should I wait for the weekends in order to seek God?

then again...

Why should I wait for some institutionalised church time to worship God?

then again...

Why should I wait for a desperate need to come along in my life for me to experience God?

then again...

Why should I wait until I'm not so busy in order for me to think of God?

then again...

Why should I wait until my "quiet time" in order to hear from Him?

then again...

Why should I wait for only waking moments to walk with Him when He visits in the night?

then again...

Why should I wait?

"I'm right behind you..."

Something really funnny happened today and i must really blog this...

Had 4 hours of Murfett today... or at least supposed to... Woke up late this morning and so i was late for Murfett's 8am lecture... i strolled into class 9+am and Bei informed me that Murfett was asking about my whereabouts during the break ( i didn't know he would actually bother)...

So anyway, with the first 2 hours gone, it was time for our 2 hour tutorial with him... Yvonne, Bei and i headed for the canteen first to see if i might get anything before the class... when there was nothing to my fancy, we headed down to As3 for the class.. The other 2 were thinking of visiting the toilet first and not wanting to be late, we quickened our steps.. then, the conversation went something like this..

Me: Eh we better hurry up... skali Murfett sees us camping over there...

(the guy walking behind me leans over...)

Murfett: I'm right behind you...

hahahahhahahahahahahahha... then the three of us burst into laughter... especially me... even Murfett himself was amused... even so that he had to tell the entire tutorial class about the incident...

Den while he was taking attendance, he called my name... and satirically remarked in his natural British accent

"Christian... oh how nice for you to join us..." (referring to the fact that i strolled into class late)

and that too didn't fail in stimulating a few sniggers and amused responses from the class...

And the fun didn't stop there...

Bahasa Class. We got to do role-play and some of us got to be fruit sellers while the rest got to be customers who went around haggling with the different fruit stall owners. The experience was complete with paper fruit and paper money. And guess wad... i got to be one of the fruit sellers!!! And you know i hate handling money! What's more is that i get to do it in Indonesian!! And people get to haggle with me!! And you know how buying something simple in Indonesia can go to the thousands!! Now take a"simple" figure of Rp4250 for a pineapple (satu buah nanas)... i have to churn out the figure empat ribu dua ratus lima puluh rupiah (which can be quite a mouthful when you have to do it for every customer that comes along your way...) haha.. it was stressful to say the least! I had to inteject with some exclamations... in such augmenting mannger: "wait ah..." "OKOK!! One at a time!!!" "I CANT MULTITASK!!!" haha... but it proved to be quite fun lah... i'm glad i took Bahasa Indo this semester! :)

cheers